Wow. Long time no see doesn’t even begin to describe it. If you are wondering where I have been the past 2 1/2 years then this post is most definitely for you. If you are just here for the makeup, girl I totally get it and next week we will be back to the good stuff. I couldn’t just jump back in without an explanation so here we go..
As you know, when I started this blog I was a freshman in college. The summer of 2017 I decided to really hunker down and finish this whole school thing as soon as humanly possible. I took extra credits, added online as well as in person classes, and even spent all my breaks doing even more school. Besides that I honestly have no idea what happened in 2017 have one of the worst memories on this planet, maybe someday if y’all are interested I’ll explain how that came to be.
2018 came rolling around and honestly it was one of the best years of my life. I was in my final year of college and all set to graduate a semester early. In April, my sweet sweet nephew was born and as my family struggled to find childcare for him, I made the decision to nanny him when my sister-in-law went back to work. Sure this definitely complicated my life a little as I was going to school full-time and still working a part time job in retail but dear god I wouldn’t give a moment of that time back for the world. As you may be able to imagine, the 3 days a week of full time nannying, 2 days of full time school, and 4 days a week of retail work left me with essentially no free time whatsoever. Essentially every moment I wasn’t doing one of those three things I was sleeping because that shizz exhausted me to my very core. Finally in December of 2018 I graduated college, with honors I may add (I know that sounds like a brag but goddammit I worked really hard for that)!
2019 rolled around and with my new found free time from school I decided to go for a management position in my retail job. Why? Literally who knows I ask myself that all the time. In June, I sent that sweet baby nephew off to daycare full time. Honestly it was tough moving from seeing him every other day but kids that age need that social stimulation and as hard as it may have been on me it was the best decision for my little bff. To fill my time void again, I decided to go full-time and apply for another promotion. The moment I got it this blog was dead.
As someone who is trying to be more open about mental health because I think it is important that we all be more accepting of our truth and mental health issues are just as crippling as physical ones, I have to tell you all I can now reflect and see I was falling into a depression. People would constantly ask me about my blog. I got equipment and books and all these wonderful things to work on my platform when I graduated but I had absolutely no interest in doing it. The more people asked the more I would say ‘I know, I know’ and never make any moves towards starting up again. I didn’t even open my institution beauty instagram cause I couldn’t bear to see my follower count dropping and the shame I felt from being away so long was growing more immense.
I didn’t want to take pictures. I wasn’t happy with the way I looked (lol will any of us ever be? I don’t know but Im working on it this time). I wasn’t even buying makeup. I lost my status at Sephora which I think might be a sin. I was completely and utterly uninspired by the beauty scene. Every launch made me roll my eyes. I wasn’t watching youtube videos. I rarely even put on makeup and when I did it was uninspired and just to not look so damn sad and tired.
For those of you who don’t know I had hip surgery in the summer of 2016. Who cares about the specifics but I came out of it with the understanding the I would need to also have the surgery on the left side at some point too. As the years have gone by the left has gotten a little more aggravated, whatever I was still trying to hold out a little longer because that shizz is no joke but summer of 2019 the right side, the same one I had already had surgery on, started to be painful again. And I mean I was in excruciating pain and crying every night and having to lay down in agony during my shifts at work. I was miserable. Long story short, my old doctor was completely dismissing me and all the pain I was in (wow shocker a doctor dismissing a woman’s pain) so I found someone else and he is my savior and told me I needed surgery again immediately.
Although that all sounds very bleak, it was during this time I rediscovered my love for cosmetics. I was excited about launches. I was buying makeup, honestly wayyy too much but that’s fine. I even planned a whole halloween series for while I was in recovery. I was so excited but my sorry ass forgot that surgery is no joke and recovery is not easy. I definitely did not have the energy to get upstairs (UPSTAIRS? on crutches? what was I thinking?) and get to work on a whole halloween series. Somehow I wasn’t discouraged, I was reinvigorated.
As I began walking again, I began artistry again. I remembered although I may not be the most talented artist in the world, Im still talented! This is my passion and this is what I love to do so why not just do it! I saw the pictures I took and remembered I may not be where I want to be but that doesn’t mean I can’t bring you all along where I am going. I set up equipment, I started using my camera, and I even had some fun doing it.
I’m certainly not in the place I hoped I would be starting a new year but I’m working on seeing each imperfection in a new light. I left my whole retail world and those I held so dear behind, but that means focusing on you all and investing in myself which I’ve watched so many others do in me when I couldn’t bear to embrace my own potential. I lost track of my physical 2019 goals but hey I just learned how to walk again so I am going to be easier on myself and realize today is just another day to work towards a better and healthier me. I had the first big swerve in my mental health since back in high school and this year I’m going to remind myself that anxiety and depression is an everyday battle. I may not be as good as I was two years ago but Im better than I was 5 years ago and that’s progress right?
So here we are. Starting 2020 fresh and starting Institution Beauty fresh.
With this refresh you will be seeing a lot more of me on instagram so don’t forget to follow me @institutionbeauty! I plan on posting looks over there constantly as well as videos! If you have ideas for what you’d like to see whether it is reviews, specific makeup looks, or anything beauty related at all, let me know!
You sweet angels are everything and I always appreciate your support. See you next Monday!
love & lipstick kisses 💋